Tuesday, February 24, 2015

"I'd like to thank..."

What would you say if you were given 45 seconds to speak to about a billion people?

First we have to assume you would seize this opportunity, not faint or run screaming into the night.  And let's establish that you're not an Oscar winner, so you don't have to worry about thanking your director, costars, agent and Mrs. Quincy, your high school drama teacher.

Award winners seem to go in one of three directions:  
The straightforward words of appreciation
The political statement or preach-able moment
A combination of the first two, quite often commingled with a bit of babbling

The thank you note can get you off stage quickest:  "Thank you," and you're done.  But what are you thankful for?  Remember, you're not grasping a golden statue of a strangely featureless naked guy.  And to whom are you saying "Thank you"?  The risk here lies in forgetting someone if you go beyond those two little words. God will forgive you for such an omission, but human beings won't forget.

To go the political and/or preaching route you've got to be all in for a cause.  Don't waste your moment before a global audience with a tepid reference to world peace.  What topic gets you fired up?  I think awards shows give bonus points to folks who discuss obscure issues, as in "Join with me and demand that the Federal Reserve be audited!"

Finally there's the combo plate, and I admit that this is my favorite, perhaps because this is the way the human brain works when unaided by notes or teleprompters.  Here's an example:

"I'd like to thank God for all He's done for me and my friends and family for their love and support.  We all need support, like when the man at the traffic light has his sign and he just needs support, you know.  He's hungry and cold and climate change is making it colder.  The changing and the hunger are what he knows and we've got to care about people like him and stop driving and just paying attention to ourselves and care about the world, care about the planet, care about that man with the sign and all the men with signs..."  (Cue the orchestral music; go to commercial break.)

I haven't decided on my 45-second speech yet.  Have you?